Thursday, June 18, 2009

I went Bathing Suit Shopping

I have been working out since October 2007.  I've always exercised in some form or fashion over the years, but since Oct 07 I have done my best to combine cardio & weight training.  I have added things like yoga and swimming and I have continued on with my belly dance.  I purchased my new best friend, who I walk on all non-rainy days.  This is the healthiest I've ever been.  I have followed WW all of this time, for the most part maintaining my weights.  I think I've actually done well. 

So why is it that the second I get into Swimco's change room, I feel like a big f*cking blob?  I tried on a several suits - all two pieces.  And I looked in the mirror and just wanted to cry.  I finally decided on one bottom and two pretty tops.  Husband thought they looked great.  I felt down and came home and had a beer.  (yes, I realize how counter productive this is, but that's what happened).

This morning I was in the bathroom getting dressed and I looked at my stomach as I was putting my top on, and I thought it looked good.  So I said to husband "how come I can look in the mirror now and feel good about what I see, but the second I get near a bathing suit I feel like crap".  He said "it's all in your head - you look great".

Now, wether I look good or not is really beside the point for the purpose of my post.  After this exchange I went back in the bathroom and looked at my stomach and thought "I need to do more crunches - then I'll be happy".  Hmmm, "then".  The magic word.  Always living for that time that doesn't come.  I started to cry.  Husband asks what's wrong and I tell him that I'm exhausted from living for tomorrow and being unhappy with my body.  I have to start living for today.  Appreciating the hard work that I'm doing now for what it is giving me today.  Because I'm active now, I'm going to have a lot of tomorrows (God willing).  So, I boldly told him that I was done - starting today I'm going to feel good about myself.  I'm not giving up on my eating or exercise plan, but I am going to push away those "I wish, I can't wait, when" thoughts and replace them with "I'm happy that & now" thoughts.

I need something new to focus on in my life....... but that is a whole other post!


  1. wow - great post. You're right, I do the same - when I lose weight then I'll be happier... how silly is that? Although I do have more work to do to be more active and improve my health, I get what you mean and how easy it is to fall in that trap of never being 'there', not thinking in the 'now' enough... Thanks for sharing - it made me think lol:)

  2. first of all - dressing room mirrors/lights are designed to make you look bad... i can't tell you how many times i've bought something and liked it at the store and hated it when i got home... you are doing an AMAZING job and if your hubby says, "you look great", then perhaps that should be your mantra as well...

    we've all said, "if only i could..." or "when i lose..." but you hit the nail on the head... once you start living in the day and not worrying about what hasn't happened yet - things will be much easier... life is too damn short to not live it to the fullest right now!

    true blood: what's up with that dungeon? ;)

  3. This is a good post...I too, am waiting for when I am "thin"...well, what a waste of two perfectly great years if that is all I care about.

    I bet you do look great! I just got a Wii, and you have inspired me to get some "games" to work out with.

  4. Swimco's change rooms are evil. Plain and simple.

    Here's to today!

    H =)

  5. Yep, I totally agree with you here. I wrote a similar post recently about the "when I lose weight" mentality". It's a form of punishment really. It's like we are depriving ourselves of true happiness and waiting for some magic moment to do things. Life is too short. Glad to hear that you are accepting yourself as you are today.

  6. I am like you. I look in the mirror and am disappointed but then others mock me saying I look just fine. I try to blame the various kinds of lighting but I know it's really in my head.

  7. I'm sorry that you feel this way and I understand it is so easy to get caught in "thinking about tomorrow." That's an unfortunate experience with Swimco. I worked for that company for over a year and their training is heads and shoulders above the rest. Next time, try to have as much faith as possible in your sales girl. She has to try on EVERY suit that enters the store, does this for 20+ hours per week, and has seen fashion disasters you couldn't imagine. I can almost guarenttee if you let her see what isn't working for you she'll find a suit that'll blow your mind.