So why is it that the second I get into Swimco's change room, I feel like a big f*cking blob? I tried on a several suits - all two pieces. And I looked in the mirror and just wanted to cry. I finally decided on one bottom and two pretty tops. Husband thought they looked great. I felt down and came home and had a beer. (yes, I realize how counter productive this is, but that's what happened).
This morning I was in the bathroom getting dressed and I looked at my stomach as I was putting my top on, and I thought it looked good. So I said to husband "how come I can look in the mirror now and feel good about what I see, but the second I get near a bathing suit I feel like crap". He said "it's all in your head - you look great".
Now, wether I look good or not is really beside the point for the purpose of my post. After this exchange I went back in the bathroom and looked at my stomach and thought "I need to do more crunches - then I'll be happy". Hmmm, "then". The magic word. Always living for that time that doesn't come. I started to cry. Husband asks what's wrong and I tell him that I'm exhausted from living for tomorrow and being unhappy with my body. I have to start living for today. Appreciating the hard work that I'm doing now for what it is giving me today. Because I'm active now, I'm going to have a lot of tomorrows (God willing). So, I boldly told him that I was done - starting today I'm going to feel good about myself. I'm not giving up on my eating or exercise plan, but I am going to push away those "I wish, I can't wait, when" thoughts and replace them with "I'm happy that & now" thoughts.
I need something new to focus on in my life....... but that is a whole other post!