Saturday, May 24, 2008

Just in case I wasn't sure how invested I am in my weight loss journey.....

In laws are gone. I survived. Without copious amounts of alcohol. With a few tears shed in private to husband on a coffee run. The silver lining is that daughter got to spend some time with her grandparents. It isn't about me.

With the in laws in, I missed weigh in at WW on Tuesday. I weighed at home. I'm pretty sure I blogged about it. Anyhow, I decided by Wednesday that I would go weigh in today so that I wouldn't miss a week. Even though I have to go weigh again on Tuesday (3 days from now!!). I'm down 0.8. I am over the moon, because this means that I navigated the program properly while being out of my routine and under a lot of (self-imposed) stress. Yay me. Whatever. That isn't the most interesting part of my story today.

This might be long. Either get a coffee, or move on to the next blog ;-)

When I became a lifetime WW member, I was 24 and my goal weight was 125. I started at 139 (I think - it was 18 years ago, I don't still have my books - but for some reason, I have this # stuck in my head). Now, I'm never going to be 125 again. I don't want to be, because I couldn't stay there. Obviously - since I'm back at it.

I have been feeling good, and while I realise I'm not perfect, I think I'm pretty much where I want to be. I THOUGHT that I would change my goal weight (you are allowed to change it once) to 145. This is still a smidgen over 5 lbs from where I am now.

Since I went to WW without my friends (they went on Tuesday) I thought I would do all this "housekeeping" today. Well, the leader then explained to me that you have to pick a goal weight that is at least 5 lbs less than your ORIGINAL starting weight. Which would mean that my "new" goal weight would have to be 134, and not the 145 that I wanted. (I have also learned that I'm actually 1 inch and 3/8's taller than I originally thought. Which makes my ranges higher. Which makes my original goal weight even more ridiculous)

So, how did I handle this news? With grace and dignity? Nope. Not yours truly. I started to cry. Not a discrete, lady-like tear dripping ever so delicately from my one eye. I sobbed. And the leader (one that I don't like, by the by) says what's the matter, don't you think you can go that low? In between sobs, I explained that I was, for the first time in my life, happy with my body and that I really thought 5 more lbs was all that I "needed" to lose. In the end she did the paper work in a way that should enable me to get the goal weight of 145. If not, I may have to go to my doctor to get him to sign a form.

Why does this all matter? I will tell you. I want to work at WW and I have to be at my goal to do that. If my goal has to be 134, I won't be able to work there ever. I felt like a dream was being ripped away. I told the lady I want to have a goal that I can keep. I don't want to be loosing weight ever again. Eventually I stopped crying and was able to go weigh in. I'm so glad that I had a loss today, or the tears may have started all over again!

Anyhow - sorry to be such a time sucker.

Today's agenda includes.....weights at the Club (maybe some cardio - if an elliptical is free)...tutor for daughter and then.....INDIANA JONES BABY!!!!!!!! Where I will be having the children's popcorn & diet coke WITH BUTTER. I know, I know, but it's INDIANA and I will be counting. I don't go to the theatre often, just for the good action flicks that need a big screen, and quite frankly if I'm going to pay the billion $$ it costs to go to the movie these days anyway - I'm having the whole experience. The kid's popcorn packages are a great deal cause they are cheap and it is just enough popcorn that I feel like I've had a treat, but not so much that I feel like I've "blown" it and then end up binging.

I have to say - I've been reading every one's blogs this morning - but I had almost 60 entries to read, so if you notice a serious lack of commenting.....that is why. I hate missing a day (or a week) of blog reading.

OK bloggers - rock on - and have a healthy day!

6 comments:

  1. Bummer about them making you get down to 134 to work there!

    I think it sounds like your comfortable where your at, and you shouldn't push yourself to be that small. Plus we all know your looking Fab these days ;)

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  2. So does WW fire you if you go up from your goal weight after you get their? That sounds crazy - I can understand them wanted their representatives at a healthy weight - but they should be realistic about it. Ugh, well good luck to you with your goal - I hope they let you use your more realistic one!

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  3. That whole WW weight thing pisses me off. I wanted to work for them, too but I would have to weigh 142 pounds and I was very happy at 150 thank you. Even my doctor said 150 was perfect for me. WW needs to rethink what they do because it's not fair. And I do believe you have to stay at "their weight" to continue to work for them. We had a leader that started gaining weight back and lost some of her meetings until she lost the weight agai.

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  4. Congrats on the loss!!

    Glad the in-law experience is behind you. Yay, you made it!!

    That is the one thing I don't like about WW. When I first joined in the 60's you couldn't pick your own goal. They picked it for you (don't know if that was the case for you or not) and if I had to stick to that goal weight now, I probably would never get there nor be healthy there. I think mine was around the same is yours (and I have lost 1/2 inch in height over the years). I worked for them back then (you didn't have to be at goal then either). But had to quit because this state chapter is run by an idiot and I couldn't stand working for her. Hope everything works out for you in that arena.

    Hey, my bladder is directly behind my eyes too. Seems they leak at the slightest negative occasion. I just look at it as if I've released some stress.

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  5. I understand that because lifers get free admission, they don't want women claiming a goal weight that isn't actually their final goal weight. BUT, within reason, you should certainly be able to change your goal weight if you want to.

    And Fatinah--the silver lining of this post is that YOU FEEL HAPPY WITH YOUR BODY FOR THE FIRST TIME! That is so profound. Very few Western women reach that place, so a major congratulations is in order.

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  6. Girl - you need to go with what your body tells you, not just a number on the scale! If you are truly happy and comfortable where you are right now, that's God telling you you are right where He wants you to be! *hugs* Thank you for sharing this with us!

    xo
    Michelle

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