it hurts. This post will contain a Biggest Loser spoiler, so if you haven't watched, come back when you have.
Last night husband & I were watching BL, as we do on Tuesdays, except that daughter happened to watch a bit, since we were eating in front of the tv. Husband had to go to curl, and daughter sat downstairs for a bit, chatting on facebook. During the time she was down here, the contestants were running their half marathon challenge (without any official training). As the times came up, I think everyone but 2 of them beat my time. As Kristen finished, I said "even Kristen beat my time, I'm going to kill myself". Daughter looked over. The look on her face....it actually makes me cry to even think of it.
Here's the thing. That comment came out of me out of habit. I am so used to putting myself down, that I didn't even think. Here I had the chance to set a great example for my daughter. I trained, I ran and finished my race. Daughter had been proud of me. And in that moment, it was all undone. In that moment I showed her the part of myself that I hate. And the worst of it is I actually, deep down I actually am really proud of myself. I'm already training for my next run so that I can finish comfortably. And now I have to have a talk with my daughter to try to explain all this to her.
Ok, how weird is this - I'm sitting here typing this, crying, and she came out of her room (up an hour early) and asked what was wrong. Talk about the perfect opening. Anyhow, talk is done, and all is well. She said she didn't think anything when I said that, but I still feel better having talked to her.
Daughter is having her first ever speed swim meet today. Luckily it is at a really nice facility here in town, that has a running track (Talisman) and I'm going to do my run on the track while daughter warms up and stuff. I've never run on a track - I'm kinda excited to try it! Weights tonight with husband. Yesterday was a cross training day, and I was going to swim, but it is TTOM, and I'm an old fashioned gal, so no pool for me. I did the eliptical for 45 minutes instead. It was hard. But a good hard. Sure felt my hamstrings when I was done.
I made salad for dinner last night. We had left over beef tenderloin and a Korean chicken breast, grated cheddar, mixed greens, 3 coloured peppers, green onions, cucumbers, a pint of grape tomatoes, garlic almonds, pumpkin seeds, soybeans, raisins. I set up everything in a separate little bowl and then we all made our own, like a salad bar. It was really good.
Well, I have to get my bag ready. At my club, I don't have to worry about towels, locks, shampoo, hair dryers, yada, yada....so I really have to get my bag ready!!
Have a healthy day bloggers.