Wednesday, March 18, 2009

When your self-image leaks onto your daughter....

it hurts. This post will contain a Biggest Loser spoiler, so if you haven't watched, come back when you have.

Last night husband & I were watching BL, as we do on Tuesdays, except that daughter happened to watch a bit, since we were eating in front of the tv. Husband had to go to curl, and daughter sat downstairs for a bit, chatting on facebook. During the time she was down here, the contestants were running their half marathon challenge (without any official training). As the times came up, I think everyone but 2 of them beat my time. As Kristen finished, I said "even Kristen beat my time, I'm going to kill myself". Daughter looked over. The look on her face....it actually makes me cry to even think of it.

Here's the thing. That comment came out of me out of habit. I am so used to putting myself down, that I didn't even think. Here I had the chance to set a great example for my daughter. I trained, I ran and finished my race. Daughter had been proud of me. And in that moment, it was all undone. In that moment I showed her the part of myself that I hate. And the worst of it is I actually, deep down I actually am really proud of myself. I'm already training for my next run so that I can finish comfortably. And now I have to have a talk with my daughter to try to explain all this to her.

Ok, how weird is this - I'm sitting here typing this, crying, and she came out of her room (up an hour early) and asked what was wrong. Talk about the perfect opening. Anyhow, talk is done, and all is well. She said she didn't think anything when I said that, but I still feel better having talked to her.

Daughter is having her first ever speed swim meet today. Luckily it is at a really nice facility here in town, that has a running track (Talisman) and I'm going to do my run on the track while daughter warms up and stuff. I've never run on a track - I'm kinda excited to try it! Weights tonight with husband. Yesterday was a cross training day, and I was going to swim, but it is TTOM, and I'm an old fashioned gal, so no pool for me. I did the eliptical for 45 minutes instead. It was hard. But a good hard. Sure felt my hamstrings when I was done.

I made salad for dinner last night. We had left over beef tenderloin and a Korean chicken breast, grated cheddar, mixed greens, 3 coloured peppers, green onions, cucumbers, a pint of grape tomatoes, garlic almonds, pumpkin seeds, soybeans, raisins. I set up everything in a separate little bowl and then we all made our own, like a salad bar. It was really good.

Well, I have to get my bag ready. At my club, I don't have to worry about towels, locks, shampoo, hair dryers, yada, yada....so I really have to get my bag ready!!

Have a healthy day bloggers.

5 comments:

  1. I'm glad the talk went well and that you feel better. Did you also notice that someone said that Jillian said the best way to lose weight is by running? This is something I've always known from before (when I was a runner) but my insane shin splints keep me from doing it. I feel really sad thinking that I can't do the best thing for my weight loss. :( Also, I would like to feel that accomplishment too. How can you have a FANTASTIC accomplishment on the elliptical? Say that you elipticaled for 7 hours or something? Grr.
    P.S. Your weight loss thing at the side is missing a few entries! Are you still on track and doing well??

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know, I was thinking about it later. Although they have not *specifically* trained for a half, they have done tonnes of running on the treadmills. I bet they have run 10K+ many times. So in a way they did train. Notice that the show never told us what their previous record was as far as distance? I bet it was pretty far. Also I gasped when I saw that the cold climate dwellers were doing it on a 160m track. Evil!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I get really down on myself sometimes too. I tend to be quite self depricating, and I am trying to figure out how to handle, "you look good" and not turn it into, "but I am still HUGE". I get it. I am glad you talked to your daughter, I see my bad ways in my 19 year old and sometimes it is hard to bear.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my! What a good mom you are! I would have had to have that talk with her, too. It would have eaten me up.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your salad bar sounds super yum! I love nuts and raisins in my salad.

    Glad you had the heart to heart with daughter. Even if she says it was no biggie, I bet it still struck a cord and was one of those good mother-daughter chats that will stick with her. :)

    ReplyDelete