Who Am I?

I found myself wondering this lately.

As we waited anxiously for daughter's marks, I realized that my whole sense of who "I was" was a complete unknown to me. I am a mom. Always wanted to be one. Quit work to spend time with daughter when she was 14 as I figured that is the age they start making decisions that can change their whole life. Now, here we are, actually waiting to see if daughter passed all her classes. She didn't. I can't remember even the idea of failing ever even passed through my head when I was her age. And yet here is my daughter failing her chem class. Her other marks so low that she is virtually assured to have her conditional acceptance into University revoked. My sense of being a failure is all consuming. Of course, intellectually I know this isn't my failure at all. I got her to school, spent literally thousands of $$ on tutors, nagged, argued, explained that school is essential for a decent chance at a good life. But I wonder - at what point did I fail her when she failed to acquire the common sense that tells you that a high school diploma is the below the bare minimum of what you need to get places in life?

ARGH!!!! Of course, when you're co-parenting this kind of stress means stress on the marriage. Almost every conversation, every thought, every bad dream is about daughter. And where we went wrong. And how we will move forward. And with both of us coming from such different families, we hardly ever agree.

So, where are we now? I have finally accepted that it is ok for daughter to upgrade, take the time to mature a bit so that when she does go to Uni she will be prepared to study hard. Husband has finally stopped being angry. Daughter continues to live oblivious to the fact that we spend so much time fretting - she is just going about her business.... hanging with friends, working occasionally, and facebooking.

In the mean time I have decided that I need to get on with my life. Find some focus that isn't daughter. It isn't healthy for either of us. To that end, I am now working more. The company I had hoped to get back on with full time has been.... slow in retaining my services and so my contract work with them will finish the first week of April. All is not lost though. In the mean time, I have one week a month at the oil company, which I really like, and an old boss tracked me down to offer me contract work for the rest of the month. In March it will workout that I will have worked every day, just for 3 companies! This newest job, which I only started this week, seems like it will be really nice. I really like the fellow that I'm working for and my direct manager seems quite nice. Anyhow, there is a possibility that it will only be 3 days a week, which would be quite nice. Kinda the best of both worlds.

Since I'm working so much, I needed new work clothes. I went on a total spree. I bought new pants, a ton of tops and even new skirts. Almost all of it from Banana Repulic. And it all looks quite nice, if I do say so myself! I also bought new pumps. I look and feel like a million bucks! Normally I would put off buying new clothes, thinking I will do it when I've lost weight. But I'm living in the moment.

Of course, with all this stress I slipped into my old coping mechanisms. Every time I felt panic set in.... I ate that feeling away. Sheesh. The good news is that I've kept up with my running. Yay me.

I've also decided that, now that we have extra $$ coming in, I'm getting a personal trainer again. I start a week today. I'm quite excited about the girl I managed to get - I think she will suit me perfectly.

It was also my birthday this week. I turned 44. It was a nice birthday. We went for a lovely birthday dinner to Caesar's and it was SO good. I also got the absolute best birthday gift ever. I cried when I opened my card. Two two-day passes to the Sci-Fi convention coming to Calgary to the Round Up center in April where I will be getting my photo taken with Leonard Nimoy!!!! This is a childhood dream come true. I can hardly stand waiting.

Well, this is a huge post. If anyone is still reading - have a healthy day!!

Regularly scheduled programming will return in...

a week or two. I am taking a small break - just waiting for my daughter's marks and quite frankly cannot concentrate or think about anything else. Once I have her marks and know what she is doing and where she is going - I will be back. And by then I may also have work news. Old boss called today - sounds promising!!!

Go Canada!!!!

My runometer just blew up!

That is what my little Nike+ Avatar is saying tonight. We did hills tonight at the 10k clinic. 5 of them. 7.5k worth of hills. I've been home for almost an hour and my lungs are still sore!!

I also took the pup for a nice long walk this afternoon. It was so sunny out. I really needed the sunshine. Sunshine just makes everything right, doesn't it?

I have to work tomorrow and daughter is going to meet me downtown to look at grad dresses. That should prove interesting. Or frustrating. Or both.

Not much else going on. I made a really, really tasty shepard's pie for supper tonight. I love shepard's pie.

Have a healthy day bloggers!

Biggest Loser - Didn't watch? Then don't read!!

I totally think that red chick threw it to go home!!!! There is no way she looked anywhere near as upset as she should have. Big stinky liar!!!!!!!!!! I actually threw my arms up in the air when I saw her results and yelled "YA!!". I think she just didn't like working so hard.

Thoughts?

working through the stress

So, after blabbing about my stress and how I need to find another way to deal with it..... Sunday I had an argument of sorts with husband about daughter and immediately picked up the phone to call cousin to tell her I would be skipping our scheduled run with the running room 10k clinic. I had the phone in my reach, and then thought to myself that if I was ever going to make a change it had to be now. So I went for the 8k run. Small steps, right? At one point I was talking to cousin about the tiff and got myself so worked up I had to stop running because I got so short of breath!

Oh, and I did run Saturday with Indiana. It was slow and a smidgen frustrating because Indiana kept stopping. And just sitting. What a little monkey! Anyhow, we finished the run and I'm sure we BOTH felt so good when it was done.

Last night we went up the the club for Superbowl fun and frolic. All food written down and counted.

This morning I joined daughter for her session with the personal trainer. Oy! The up side was that she commented on my form and said that is was perfect! The down side was that it friggen hurt!!! I have some work to do with weights!

Not much else on the agenda for today. Taking the pup for a nice long walk this afternoon. Not going to run because I've run two days in a row and my knees are quite sore.

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

What a friggen week

I did not have a good week this week. My stress level is at an all time high. My daughter, whom I love dearly, is on a mission to drive me completely insane. Just school issues. But enough to be all consuming. Sadly, I eat when I'm stressed. I'm back on plan now though.

Went to the club last night for my first real workout in 3 weeks. While my lungs were quite unhappy with me, it felt really good to exercise. I did an hour on the treadmill - upping the incline every minute. First go up and down I went as high as 11, and the second go up and down I went all the way up to 15. I was drenched by the time I was done.

Today I plan to try a run with the pup (try in that we will go out, I just don't know how much running I can do, not try to go out). I'm sure he could use the time outside. He's been in doggy daycare all week because I've been working. Of course, he has a ball there - especially this week, they put him in with the medium sized dogs (up to 70 lbs) because his style of play was better suited for that group. He is exhausted every night. But he also got so excited the one day when we pulled into the parking lot to drop him off that he yelped and hopped up and down in the back seat! Anyhow, even with all that I think both of us would benefit from some vitamin D. It certainly will help my mood.

I wonder when I will learn to deal with my stress in a positive manner? I guess when I just do it. I want to be someone who goes for a run when I want to put my daughter through a wall, instead of grabbing a glass of wine and some Tostitos!

Anyhow, I should boogie.... get some food in me so I can get out there. Have a healthy day bloggers!!

PS: My contract at the one place I work got extended 2 months - woohoo!

Personal Growth and a Weigh In

Major personal growth happening here!!

I was raised to feed a cold. For the first time in my adult life, I was sick (for 2 weeks now) and I DID NOT GAIN WEIGHT. This is huge for me. It turns out that if you don't stuff your face - you will still eventually get better. Who knew???

I'm not kidding - normally a period of illness this long would easily, easily result in a 5 - 7 lb gain.

Moving on.

I went to Zumba today. Daughter was finally able to attend. She hated it. It's not my favourite, but I do enjoy the music and I sweat like a pig, so I know my heart is going like crazy. Of course, today that could have just been a fever... I felt dizzy a couple of times during the class and had to nap this afternoon after my big exertion!!

Tonight is date night with husband. We are going the The Catch restaurant. While I do not eat stuff out of the water, husband loves his sea food. I will be having some lovely beef tonight and I can't wait!! Black Angus AAA tenderloin. Does life get any better than that? We are going to take our time, order a nice bottle of wine and just enjoy each other. The thing that is really nice about a really fancy restaurant though? Not the price, certainly. The portions. They are usually really small and in the end, the perfect size!

I'm thinking I may even put makeup on tonight. I don't normally wear makeup cause I think it makes wrinkles. But tonight might be a makeup night.

Oh, I never made it to belly dance Thursday. Just still felt to icky. And got a headache. I've sure had really bad ones since being sick. I think it is all the coughing. I did curl yesterday though. Curl a really, really good game. I was on fire!! Of course, now my skip will think I can make the occasional shot and she will be disappointed next time I go and get back to my regular missing everything! HAHA

Well, I guess I'd better go get my face on. I need to take some cough medicine and a couple of advil before we go. Wow - how sexy is that - I have the new Benalyn mucus and phlem busting formula stuff. Sigh....

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

Back to the land of the living

Still congested in my chest and coughing but boy do I feel better. Good enough that I'm going to go to belly dance this week. My first "exercise" session in over a week! I still have a day of prescription pills to take. You know, I think it was the rescue inhaler that was making me nauseous.

Still on program - with 4 flex to last me 2 days. It drives me friggen crazy that I can be SO sick and still not lose my appetite. I have been starving and now that I'm feeling well enough to keep my food down.... I've been eating what feels like a lot.

OK peeps. I need to just go on the record regarding the Red Team on Biggest Loser. If you haven't watched then stop reading... NOW!

She is a liar, liar, liar. OMG. Does she really think that we are all so stupid? I hate liars. To my mind, if she wanted to keep up with the lie, she should have thrown her weigh in's until she didn't have immunity. But it was so obvious. I don't normally care for Jillian as I don't like the yelling (I find it actually quite abusive) BUT I was loving her on this week's show. I loved that she didn't back down.

And that Green team. OMG. I have never, ever seen two more angry women in my life. That daughter - when she was sitting on camera all hunched over, eyes half closed - completely shut down. It is inconceivable to me that she is even married. They both need some serious therapy. And that mom telling her not to cry. I just wanted to slap her!

Well, time for breakfast. Have a healthy day!

Oy!

I am not getting any better. I threw up in the car last night and for most of the morning today. I have a headache from throwing up. ARGH!!

Can't keep any food down and can't exercise. I'm one of those people who does NOT lose their appetite when sick - so I'm friggen STARVING. I guess it is good to know that I still recognize the feeling. Always a silver lining, right?

Anyhow - short post today.....

Have a healthy day bloggers!

OMG! Enough already!!

I have been coughing so much I've actually given myself a headache. Work was long but productive today. My manager just called me (it's 7:15) - I thought I must have made a big mistake, but she was just calling to tell me that I don't need to come in tomorrow. I'm so relieved. I really think a day in bed will do me good. I didn't go to belly dance tonight. No energy.

Did any of you notice that I slipped my weigh in up on the side? I ran out quickly last night. Didn't stay for the meeting because I felt like crap, but at least I won't miss out on the cheap fees!

Not much else to report. Eating is good. Coughing is a pain. Exercise is non-existent. Yep - that pretty much catches us up.

Oh, my puppy was so "full of energy" today that doggy daycare put him in with the medium sized dogs. The gals said that he just had a ball and was so buy trying to jump OVER the bigger dogs!! I so wish they had web cams in the play areas....

Have a healthy day bloggers.

Blog Award!!

Hey peeps! I got an award - how exciting!!!

7 things you might not know about me:

1) I haven't spoken French since, while still living in my home town of Montreal, a French co-worker laughed at me for using "le" instead of "la". That was 22 years ago. I decided last week to take French lessons. Thanks to "H" for mentioning it on her blog. The lesson, not the huge chip on my shoulder.

2) Fatinah is my belly dance name, but if I could change my "real life" name to any name, I would chose Elizabeth.

3) I picked my daughter's name out when I was 16

4) Even though I am a firm believer that WW is THE plan for healthy living long term, when LA Weight Loss called me out of the blue the other day to say they had changed their program I still thought "hmmm, should I try it?" Always that part of me looking for a secret weapon.

5) I'm one of those people that doesn't think living together is the same as being married, and I will be devastated if my daughter does it. I know, I know....

6) I get really, really, really irritated when I read stuff like on blogs like "well, I didn't lose cause I ate that cupcake" or similar. Seriously, if you count your effing points, there is no reason you can't have a cupcake. Not at every meal, but if you gained a POUND it is because you didn't count your points accurately. Seriously makes me so nuts.

7) I'm very claustrophobic and have to leave the room if I'm watching a show that has a character in a small space.

8) Bonus fact: my last tattoo was totally inspired by the lovely Tigerlilly!!

Bloggers I would like to pass this award onto are:

1) H-Woman

2) Sparky

3) Graciela

4) Cinemarie

5) Tiggerlilly

6) Totegirl

7) Expressomama

sick :-(

I have a cold. Which sucks 'cause I actually have to work this week. I ended up coming home at 3:00 today and I just woke up (it is 7:00).

To give everyone a break this afternoon they brought in a sundae bar, complete with around 20 different toppings!! This is how sick I was - not only did I not have any - I wasn't even tempted. They had crushed Skor bars for one topping choice and all I could think was "right after I go throw up, I want to sleep!"

Today was supposed to be workout with weights with husband - ya, he went without me. I'm thinking tomorrows run won't happen either. Boo. I also have to find a time to weigh in this week at night 'cause WW is having a lifetime special and I don't want to miss a week and miss out on the special pricing. $14.70 is significant savings.

My group went to make lattes this morning (no one included me) and they all came back, stood back from my desk and said "We've talked about it and we think you should go home". I know they meant well, but I felt bad. I already felt like a leper with my cold, but I'm hired to work just this one week, and I really didn't think they would appreciate me not coming in - because it would mean overtime for at least two of them. Sigh. I finally did leave when I was feeling so tired I thought I would cry. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better.

Not much else on the go. Started to watch the Golden Globes, but I found the jokes just too mean spirited this year so I turned them off. Too much nastiness in the world today to watch a bunch of dressed up people insult each other.

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

Success!

That is what this week was. I earned almost 40 points of good quality activity points this week. I didn't spend HOURS exercising. I just dialed up the intensity. Yay me. It paid off. See my weight tracker on the side.

Still have no idea how much I weigh. I even left my glasses on my chair in the meeting before I went to the scale so that I wouldn't be tempted to peek.

Apparently the secret to success is filling foods. That is what I learned at my meeting today.

2nd Zumba class in an hour. My knees are sore from the treadmill last night so it will be interesting to see how that goes. Just ate a piece of left over homemade pizza for breakfast. I love pizza way more when it is left over. Mmmmmm....

Daughter is in diploma prep all weekend so husband & I are on our own. Should be a fun weekend. It is weird that I miss her when she is gone like this.

I have to work tomorrow. I work all week and this week is going to be very busy. Should be interesting to see how well I stick to my plans. Do or do not - right?? Our deadlines are so tight this week - I have a headache just thinking about all that I have to do!!

Well peeps - have a great day!

Another quiet day....

I felt quite blech today. I had coffee with two friends, which was really fun, but I almost cancelled. The thought of having to talk for a couple of hours seemed too much. Don't know what that was about. In the end, I'm really glad I went.

I met up with my cousin for the Running Room practice run tonight. She is doing the 10k clinic. They ran 5.6k tonight. It was an awesome night for a run, except for the ice. Holy shit peeps - it was really hard going out there. The run felt great - I much prefer running outside to the treadmill as I find it much easier on my knee. Having said that - the ice was very hard on my knee because I was so tense. Sigh. Oh, and my stupid Nike +..... would not activate the sensor. If it's not on the Nike + it's almost like the run didn't exist - do any of you feel that way?

Food was awesome today. I'm a rockstar. HAHA

Am thinking of signing up for the Rocky Mountain Soap 12k in Canmore in May. My walking group is doing it - but I will run.

Hey Calgary bloggers..... would you be interested in all joining in to do a 5k sometime in the fall together?? Think on it. We all run anyhow....

I'm watching Star Trek the movie for the millionth time. I just love it.

So, who is watching the Biggest Loser this season? I am finding it hard to watch this go around. First off, it is just too soon after the other one. And second, I just find the sheer size of the cast completely overwhelming. Having said that.... I also haven't picked my fav's yet. Of course, I have a soft spot for the Tongans (sp??) And I really like the fellow from the white team. He just tugs at my heart and I think when he loses weight he will look his age and likely will be quite handsome. With such large contestants, the red team looks quite out of place I find. Not many people are talking about it this go around - I wonder if others are also feeling it was just too soon?

Well peeps - Star Trek isn't the same without a cup of tea, so I'm off to make that. Have a healthy day!!

quiet day.....

Last night daughter & I went up to the club to hear all about the "I Lost it at the Club" challenge. It's pretty exciting. This year is very different than last year.

We all received nutrition/exercise logs made especially for and designed by the trainers at our club. They are running a whole bunch of exercise classes for people to participate in, at various times throughout the 3 months of the challenge. They have set up an e-mail account specifically for the challenge where we can get questions answered by either the nutritional consultant or the fitness consultant depending on the question. They talked us through our goals. We will receive weekly e-mails with news of upcoming classes, strength and cardio routines for the week at all levels (beginner, intermediate & advanced) and we will get homework each week. If we do the homework we get a sticker. You know I will be doing my homework as I find stickers very motivating!! Homework will be either a fitness task, or a nutritional one. Small changes for us to make toward a healthy lifestyle.

Daughter wants to run a marathon. Now, she currently isn't a runner, but her trainer is going to put together a program for her that should have her ready to do one by August. I told her that if I see her training, I will do it with her. I don't know why the hell I said that, as I hate the hours that go into training for a long run, but there was no way I wanted to discourage her from doing it!!! I personally would like to shave 6 minutes off my 5k time by the end of the challenge. Apparently we have an Olympic athlete/personal trainer at the Club that specializes in running programs and gait analysis. I'm going to talk to husband tonight about hiring him for a session or two. I was told he would be able to design a training program for me. Plus, I thought if I have my gait analyzed perhaps it will help my knee?? Couldn't hurt it I suppose, right????

Daughter was the only young person at the challenge, or so we thought, until this young lady came over to exchange cell #'s!! Daughter actually texted her last night and they have a workout date tonight after daughter is done teaching swim lessons. Daughter is so much more outgoing than I am. I love that about her. Just one of her many awesome qualities.

So, our challenge journal is calorie counting. I'm a WW'er, so I don't actually know much about how many calories I eat in a day. I sat down and figured out my calories for yesterday. Yesterday I ate 22 daily points and 7 flex points. That translated into: 1394 calories and 29 g of fat. Interesting. Well, I thought it was.

Tonight I'm going to the Club with husband and he is going to work me out with weights. I will let you know how that goes. I'm kinda excited about it. That will be our Tuesday date.

Tomorrow I'm going to the practice run at the Running Room for the learn to 10k clinic. It's so nice out - I'm looking forward to the run outside.

I took the pup for a walk today for 45 minutes. He was so happy to be out again. There was quite a bounce in his step! Little muffin hasn't eaten yet today though.... wonder what that's about? Hmmm.....

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

Monday again....

and not a moment too soon!!

Yesterday husband & I had massages. Not together, one after the other. Boy, oh, boy did I need it. I am still sore today. We had an early supper and then toodled off to the gym. I had a good run on the treadmill, followed by 20 minutes of walking on the treadmill. I then stretched diligently like a good girl!

Today I have a bazillion things to do. Argh. By 9:30 I had dropped daughter off at school, gone to get groceries, gone to pick up a prescription, gone to get keys cut and stopped at Starbucks! I've also taken my daughter's mac in to be fixed. Next up is: change bed sheets, clean 2 of the 3 bathrooms and do all my husband's ironing. F*ck - I hate ironing.

I joined my Club's annual "I Lost it at the Club" challenge. Our first meeting is tonight - and so I will update with the particulars tomorrow - as I don't really know what to expect yet!

Congrats to all who have joined the X-Weighted Challenge. I'm really excited to read everyone's journey - I have no doubt you will all have great success!!

Not much else to report. I picked up the new Yoga Journal, Weight Watchers, Canadian Running and the 15 minute Weight Watchers Recipe book. Looks like I have some reading to do!!

Have a healthy day bloggers.

Zumba - and I survived to tell the tale....

I had my first Zumba class today. It was.... ok. I like it in theory, although I found it fast. This is just 'cause it is new. I was surprised at how hard it was on my knee. This will be worked around with a few modification by moi going forward. I was completely unprepared for how much I would sweat. Yowsers!! I signed up with my daughter, but she missed today and will miss next week because of diploma prep classes. It will be interesting to see her reaction to it.

No much on the agenda for today. Having my cousin over to dinner to thank him for watching our house while we were away. Chicken. Mmmmm.

Big news is that I went to WW this morning. OMG - it was so crowded!! I have no idea how much weight I gained. I weighed in backward on the scale. My reasoning was this: WHEN I lose weight this week, if I know my gain, I will think "well that was a good loss, but I'm still up "x amount" from before Christmas". This way, when I step on backwards next week and the chicklet says "You're down X" - I can think "wow - my hard work really paid off - I rocked it". I realize I'm completely insane, but...... SO I will be tweaking my weight tracker on my page - I will only report my loss for the week and not my current weight. Until I'm in a grove and feel ready to know it.

I have lots of errands to do before dinner - so short post. Have a healthy day bloggers!!

My Name is Fatinah and I'm addicted to....

self-sabotage. It's exhausting and I have no idea how to break the cycle.

In other news....... I started belly dance again tonight. We have some new people joining the class which is fun. It's always exciting to watch someone discover the joy that is belly dance. We started right back at the basics and it was a good workout.

I did the Wii fit on Tuesday night. My back is still sore today from that stupid boxing! Sure didn't feel like I was working hard when I was doing it, but I must have been.

I have been working this week and feel two steps behind. I haven't had a good nights sleep all week. The weather is warming up and my head is ready to explode.

Oh!! I ordered a skirt from MeSheeky. I got a notice from the post office that I have a package today and I think it is my skirt!! I'm going to wear it to belly dance class. Don't you think it will be fabulous??? I can't wait till tomorrow!!

What else...... not much. Feeling a bit down. Bit of post-Christmas blues. I spent a week with my sister and now I miss her more than ever. Boohoo - I realize people out there have real problems - I'm just venting and being a baby.

Do or Do Not - there is no try. Do or Do Not - there is no try. How many times till it sticks?

Have a healthy day peeps!!

Moto for 2010

"Do or do not, there is no try"

Yoda

2010 - what will it bring?

Holy shit - where did 2009 go?

I ran my Resolution Run in Ottawa New Year's Eve. Finished in 36 minutes. Was happy with that because I had just been running on the treadmill, and so running in snow felt like trying to run in sand! Sister ran her first race and was, I think, quite disappointed to not do it in 30 minutes. I kept telling her to run ahead, but she wouldn't.

We had a small party after the run, my friends from Montreal had driven in for the night. At 11:20 we all headed for Parliament Hill to ring in the new year. It was nice, we walked in the end for hours. My friends had a Beaver Tail craving.

So, who has resolutions they want to share? I have two. Since mid-November I have been reading through a "read the bible in a year" type of bible. I want to continue that. The other thing I want to do this year is the splits. Lofty goals, I know! HAHA

I think I gained a fair bit on vacation. I am counting points as of yesterday. Been feeling hungry all day just from the change in volume I was consuming. Weigh in on Saturday.

Well peeps - that's all for now.

Ready!

Am in Ottawa for Christmas with my family visiting my sister and her family having the absolute time of my life.

Have been on two runs so far - picked up mine & my sister's race package for the Resolution Run here in Ottawa - can't wait - sister's first race EVER!!!!

Love the jackets they gave out this year - am wearing it while blogging it is so awesome.

Was going to report on my eating - but have decided to keep this post positive!! Wink, Wink. Am currently drinking the biggest bottle of Bailey's I've ever seen.

Can't wait to get back to you all when I get home.

Hope all is well with everyone!!

Stay healthy and safe bloggers!

Ten fitness misconceptions for women - Healthcare in Canada - C-Health

A little bit of common sense to end the year!!

Ten fitness misconceptions for women - Healthcare in Canada - C-Health

Towel It Off: No-Equipment Total-Body Workout

Here is a workout that requires no equipment - perfect for any of us traveling over the holidays!!

Towel It Off: No-Equipment Total-Body Workout

Saturday.... a fresh start

Diana left a comment on my blog then deleted it - cause she thought my last post was a joke (I saw Jack Sh*t's post - so I understand why she thought that) - so to Diana - your deleted comment actually made me laugh!! So, thank you.

Today is a new day. I dropped daughter off at her diploma prep for Math. All part of my not giving up! I then drove myself promptly to a meeting. A WW meeting that is. I seriously feel like an addict. I deal with stress by eating and I needed a reminder of why I need to not do that. (I'm up a pound by the way) Know what the topic was at the meeting? "dealing with holiday stress". Well, my stress isn't holiday related - but yowsers - useful or what?? Anyhow - I felt a million times better after the meeting. I cannot miss any more meetings. If the girl I go with can't make it I just have to suck.it.the.hell.up and go alone. I need that charge.

Lunch out with two friends today. After the meeting I am well inclined to chose well. I am in charge of ME. I CHOOSE how to handle my stress.

Oh, ladies - did you all get the new 2010 pocket guide do-hicky-mabobs?? Cool beans, eh? They are made out of paper that likely WON'T SHRED in your purse!

Also out is the updated CANADIAN eating out guide. Didn't get one cause I forgot by the end of the meeting but plan to. They are SO useful! And it is good to stay current.

Hmmm, what else? Gym on the agenda later today. Have to earn my sticker for the 12 days of Christmas Challenge (I have 7 so far!). Don't know what I will do today... my knee is hurting a bit, BUT I may try a run anyhow. I just feel like running. I need that high. That rush. Those deep breaths that remind you you're ALIVE!!

OK peeps - get out there and rock your healthy lifestyle!! Have a good one!

Friday and more snow!

I'm so done with the snow already!! I have to go back out on the roads here pretty quick and I'm a complete wreck!! It is going to be a long friggin winter!

This week has been ok. Finally got my H1N1 shot. My arm is SORE. To make matters worse - I fell in the parking lot after getting my shot and jarred my other shoulder (the injured one) so bad that I almost threw up! The night of my shot I was awake most of the night because every time I turned over, I turned onto a sore arm! Plus, I had the chills really bad. Collective "awwwww"!

I did the treadmill program earlier this week and something popped in my knee while I was in the running portion. That can't be good. My knee has been sore all week. Sigh.

Family continues to be disjointed. Daughter is not applying herself in school and it is frustrating the hell out of us. Husband & I approach things completely differently and all of this has resulted in tension en-masse. I made a nice dinner tonight - with the intent to make a nice table, turn off the tv and talk. Daughter just called - she has to work. Deep sigh. Best laid plans..... I'm exhausted from crying every day. Sometimes the tears are frustration, sometimes disappointment, sometimes hurt..... but my eyes are tired and we are out of kleenex in the whole house!! I just can't give up on her. She has so much potential.

Well peeps. I had tons more to write about - but now that I'm doing it - I got nothing!! Have a healthy day!!

can I be honest?

Just writing yesterday's post made me feel better. I went up to the Club with husband and did the same program on the treadmill as the day before. I totally rocked it - I did over 7k. Husband then generously took me to the dining room for dinner at the Club. Yay to not having to cook. We shared an appetizer of dumplings (I only had 2 of the 8). They serve the best dumplings I've ever tasted in my LIFE. For dinner I ordered the mixed greens with chicken breast. Mmmm. It was GOOD. I also had a nice glass of red wine. Good for the heart. Wink wink.

Any of you read MizFit's Friday post? It was a good one. Sigh. It actually made me cry. Just because I feel like my family is falling apart. We are so... disjointed right now. I hate the feeling. We are spinning out of control and I don't know how to stop it or fix it. Bigger sigh.

I made some chicken soup last night for dinner tonight. And I picked up a nice crusty loaf of whole grain bread. Good comfort food for this cold weather we are having.

Tonight I have to drop daughter at tutor and then I may run up to the gym. I haven't decided yet. My hamstrings are screaming from that treadmill program. That has to be a good sign.

Well peeps - have a healthy day.

Snow, snow, snow

It snowed so bad Friday that I couldn't get off my street Saturday morning to get to the Santa Shuffle. Sigh.

I did make it up to the gym late in the day Saturday and did some treadmill time though. I tried a program that daughter got from her trainer. Start on 2.0 incline for 5 minutes to warm up. Treadmill is @ 3.5 mph the whole time. Every minute, raise the incline 1 full %. The treadmill I was on went to 15. Stay at 15 for a minute. Then, every minute go down on the incline. Then 3 minutes or so @ 2.0 and then cool down at 0 incline. Holy shit. I was breathing so hard that my lungs were sore later that evening. When I was done that - I just ran on the treadmill till I hit an hour... maybe 20 - 25 minute run or so. Anyhow - felt like a good workout.

I have not been on program all week. I could come up with a list of excuses, but really I just chose to take the easy path with my stress and that was to deal with it the way I always do (eat) instead of dealing with it in a more positive and productive manner. The only exercise I did was belly dance Thursday and the treadmill yesterday.

This week I will get my shit together. This week I will journal and put myself first. I will not seek out self destructive behaviour to enable my pity parties. I will fill my body with healthy foods that will get me to old age and I will be active every day.

Short post today as I have Christmas cards to write. And the new Yoga Journal magazine read.

Hope you're all doing well. Congrats to all the Halibloggers that ran the Santa Shuffle - you girls look so happy doing it!!

Blech

Daughter had her appt with her personal trainer this morning at 6:30. I decided to join her today - I need something to get me going with the weights again. Unfortunately the trainer didn't show up!! I had no iPod or anything with me, so I just came home. Boy was I mad.

Right now I'm sucking back a Grande Triple shot non fat latte. It's going down gooooood. Once I'm done I'm going to take the pup for his walk. It is really nice out there.

We had husband's Christmas party this weekend in Banff. It was fun. Husband & I went alone for the weekend. Boy, did we need that. It felt so nice to reconnect. Left daughter alone for the first time. She for sure did something she wasn't supposed to because she not only changed the garbage..... the full garbage bag is no where to be found! Little monkey!! In any case, the house is in the same condition we left it in, so.....

I feel blech today. Need to get a good program day under my belt.

Not much else to report now..... have a healthy day bloggers!

I rolled the bones with the new hairdresser

Holy freaking busy day yesterday!!

I ended up just walking into a hairdresser and rolled the bones! I'm now back (sort of) to my natural colour (I had lightened it up a bit over the summer). It looks quite dark compared to what I had, but it just feels so good to have it all trimmed up. I think the cut is fine - my only complaint was that the hairdresser never shut up the whole time. I'm not a chatter, so.....

I never updated my weight tracker on the side from last week's weigh in. I was quite disappointed because I actually felt so much smaller that morning. You know how you just wake up some days and feel a difference? Anyhow, when the scale said 0.2 down I was a bit bummed.

I went this morning and I'm down another 1.4. That makes me feel better about last week, as I'm sure some of this # is from then. In any case, down is down, right?

Last night I skipped belly dance. I went instead to the fitness center and did 30 minutes of spinning and 30 minutes walking a hill program on the treadmill. I also took the dog for a 37 minute walk. I felt like I needed more movement than I would get from Belly Dance.

My stuffed peppers were..... eh, ok. I've made better. They smelled good though - HAHA!

Today is my daughter's 17th birthday. Wow - it went fast. We are dinning at the Club tonight in celebration. I just didn't feel like cooking.

Well, I'm off to meet a friend for coffee, then I have to walk the pup and hit the fitness center 'cause they are having the 12 fitness days of Christmas again at the Club. For a donation to the Salvation Army, we can earn 12 stickers during December and we get our name in a draw for some awesome gifts. They are doing an early bird draw and I have to get 3 stickers before Sunday. I already have one - so I'm keen to get working on #2 & #3!!

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

pictures

Click here to see the shoes:

Shoes

They are called Town shoes and the product code is 1-4110-162. They are in the 15th row on the right.

I took my own picture, but it doesn't do it justice

I also took a picture of what 10 points worth of Chinese food looks like all measured out:

Surprisingly - that is really VERY filling - I don't think I will ever have to over count on Chinese again!!

Taking a Breather!

I'm off work now till Tuesday, which is when I start a week at a different job. I'm really happy to have the break! The job I just finished with for the month has asked me to do some data entry for a system implementation they are doing in April. I'm going to figure out my availability later today, but I could end up working complete months for Dec & Jan (except for my lovely week off at Christmas, of course!! oh, and except for the week at the other job!!) This is good news because we have made debt reduction a priority. Kinda icky news cause I was really liking the idea of having a week on, week off, week on, week off. That is totally selfish of course, but.... a gal's gotta have dreams!

After work yesterday I went and bought myself some really, really pretty shoes. I walked over to Payless but they didn't have anything kinda fancy (I needed shoes that I could wear to hubby's Christmas party) so I walked over to the nice shoe store (Towne Shoes) and bought myself a seriously smoking pair of shoes. I also stopped at the brand new Holt Renfrew store (seriously - how did I miss that big change??) and picked up a Spanx slip. I think it's all going to come together nicely.

I'm trying to decide if I want to run out and get my hair trimmed today. My regular hairdresser is unavailable and so it would mean stopping in some where and hoping for the best. Eh, it's just hair, right?? I mean, how much could they screw it up??? HAHA!

Program talk: ARGH!!!!

I'm struggling. Do any of you have this problem? Not struggling. This: Monday they ordered in lunch @ work, cause we all had to work right through. It was some chicken stir fry concoction with brown and wild rice and an orange/mandarin salad. I'm not sure how to count it. And when I come across something I don't know how to count - my journaling comes to a grinding halt and I run right off the rails. Sigh.

I have a lot of running around to do today. On the agenda for today is: getting the f*ck back on program, taking puppy for a nice LONG walk, groceries, belly dance...... phew - I'm tired! haha!!

I just made the yummiest looking stuffed peppers - used my brand new WW food scale to calculate the pts value..... 6pts per pepper friends!! CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

OK peeps - I gotta get going with the rest of my day... have a healthy one!

Survived the week AND a NSV

I made it (although just barely) through my first week at my new job. I haven't done this kind of work for over 8 years and I forgot the stress that comes with it. I had a melt down in the car on the way home Tuesday night - complete with tears. Husband handled it WAY better than he used to 8 years ago!!

The upside is that I was SO busy that I stayed on program and ate the food I brought from home. The girl I report to came in on Tuesday with $127 worth of junk food. What a shit show. And there is HUGE social pressure to partake. I did well though. One hand full of chips the whole week.

Tonight I was so tired that husband suggested ordering chinese. Peeps - I did something I have never done before (enter collective breath holding by readers). I filled my bowl (a small soup bowl) with one soup spoon of everything we ordered. And did NOT go back for 2nds or 3rds like I usually do. I did have 5 dumplings. I realize that is a lot, but I had eaten two while I was taking the lids off the food, then put 2 in my bowl and then had one while I was putting dish in dishwasher. 3 of them were mindless eating - I didn't actually even think about it till I started typing this paragraph. Oh, well. Still a NSV cause normally I do that and still have the 2nds and 3rds.

No exercise this week. I pretty much went to bed early every night. I worked two nights quite late and so missed belly dance. Sigh. Next month I will be better prepared.

This will be a short post as I am really tired, and I have the worst headache. Just wanted to let you all know I was still alive.

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

Someone please talk me off this ledge!!

Yes folks - I went shopping today. Needed a pair of pants cause I start a new job tomorrow and I haven't worked in 4 years AND I can't wear my Lullulemons!!

Of course, this meant I had to disrobe under florescent lights. That is where the ledge came in. I go into the mall feeling good - needing some pants and then.....

Why does that happen???????

Moving on.....

I went to pole dancing on Friday. I am over the moon excited to report that my friend went to class AND she said she enjoyed that class the best yet RIGHT UP UNTIL around 20 women arrived 20 minutes before our class was over for a party. That meant that they were watching us on the pole almost the whole time we were up there. We learned a backward spin. It is fun.

Not much else to report. Good weekend. On program. Tired and have a HUGE headache thanks to the gale force winds that are blowing the Chinook in. No exercise for me today - my right knee is SO sore I can hardly get up and down stairs. I'm falling apart!!

Little bit freaked out about learning new names, jobs, procedures tomorrow. Wish I had the points to throw myself into a bottle of Baileys. Guess my glass of water with a lemon wedge will have to do!

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

Friday at last!!

Even though this was a short week - that is how I feel this morning.

Belly dance last night was so much fun. I really like my beginner class group. Fun gals. I think we might be almost done learning our choreography.

Who watched Grey's last night? Even though I'm really miffed that Izzie is NOT DEAD and George is (oy! I just CAN. NOT. LET.THAT.GO).... I was so impressed with the Chief's story line. Did not see that coming. And I'm a fan of the new doctor since she was on Lipstick Jungle.

WW meeting went well. Lost 0.2. I was a bit miffed with the weigh in lady. She said "oh, well, this is good - week 10 is about breaking through plateaus". I was like.. "um... ok..... thanks". But I was thinking "I just told you that I was happy with this # because I know that I had noodle soup for lunch yesterday and I'm sodium full of water retention, I had a good week on program, and my # will catch up next week." :-p

Today I have a run (haven't checked to see if it is going to warm up out there - might go up the the gym on the treadmill) and pole dancing.

I decided to go for a walk with my walking group tomorrow. Haven't been out with them for ages. They always go for a big breakfast after and it seems counter productive. However, I feel I've hit the point in my journey that I can go for breakfast and not use their orders as my excuse to put myself off plan. There are plenty of tasty breakfast options that do not cost an entire days worth of points. Right?? RIGHT??? Oops - had a panic moment there as visions of eggs benny floated through my head..... I'm back.

So, posting a picture of my journal.... while I'm sure is mind numbingly boring for you guys to have look at - is really doing wonders for me staying on plan. I find that I'm really thinking about my choices now that I know someone might be able to read what I've written there!

Oh, and peeps - yesterday I was out having a Grande Americano with my buds and I got a call - I got that 2nd contract job I wanted!! It will be for between 8 to 48 hours a month all concentrated at one time of month. It is working with a great group and I couldn't be happier!!

Have a healthy day bloggers!!!!

I received my introduction e-mail from my motivational buddy AJ. I haven't written mine back to her yet..... hers was so good I'm worried about making a good impression! HAHA.

Anyhow - she sounds like a great partner for me and I'm sure we will find that we have much in common. Please feel free to stop by her site at http://ajlovestolose.com/ - I don't know about you guys, but I'm always looking for new blogs. Gotta keep things fresh, right?

Had my run yesterday with the pup. Haven't downloaded my Nike+ for a while - will do that after I publish this. Anyhow. It was a weird run. The run itself, was good. The pup - oy! What a little monkey he was. He was either running too fast ahead of me or stopping to sniff so long that I had to yank at him. Sheesh. Next time we take the short leash and the Barkbuster collar. That will keep him next to me and then my frustration level will be better. Even with Indiana's escapades, I felt good after the run. Of course, my right knee is killing me this morning. Not where I usually hurt (which is always because I need to stretch the old IT bands). This time it is kinda on the knee cap. Weird.

Had no belly dance last night because of Remembrance Day. My feet were so sore, I didn't really mind. Tonight is my beginner class. I'm looking forward to it. I could use some shimmying.

I just got an e-mail that curling is cancelled this week. Both ladies on our 5 man team that know how to skip will be away. I'm not too miffed though - saves me the cost of doggy daycare!

I'm going to WW meeting this morning. I'm quite psyched as I have learned from the Halibloggers (from their meeting pictures) what the subject is for the week and I think it will be quite interesting.

Angie - I do in fact have a flower button, I pushed it and voila! Easy picture taking for Fatinah!!

Oh, I wanted to tell you all about what I had for lunch yesterday. I had two cups of left over brussels sprouts (roasted with balsamic vinegar, EVOO, onions and a smidgen of bacon bits). Well, I made myself some noodle soup (Ichiban type, but Co-Op brand cause it has less pts and mushroom flavour!!) and added my brussels to it! OMG! It was SO good. And filling. So filling in fact that I only had 1/2 cup of tortellini for dinner and I was stuffed! It was 8pts for that soup - and worth EVERY ONE!!

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

Coffee tasting GOOD this morning!

Ever have one of those mornings where your normally tasty coffee is especially good? Mmm, I'm having one of those mornings.

Yesterday was husband's birthday. He came home at 3:30. At first I was kinda happy - cause I thought he wanted some quiet time (wink, wink) BUT it turned out he had a migraine! Poor him. He was laid up the rest of the day.

Of course, I had been cooking for hours at that point and had my mom & her husband coming over for the big birthday dinner. Which they did. Husband didn't get out of bed until 8:30 last night and finally heated up his plate around 9:00.

Run yesterday was a walk with the puppy. Day got all turned around and when I finally got dressed to go out, my knees were sore.

Took me 8 tries to get pics of my food journal. Until this morning I didn't know how to turn off the flash. Now I have to figure out how to turn it back on!!

Oh, and I also took a picture of the pizza I made myself for lunch yesterday. Man, was it good. Chock full of veggies. Only 30g of light feta and a really high fiber pita - great lunch for 4 pts. I don't really appreciate food pictures - I'm too lazy to scroll through them looking for the heart of the post - but I was particularly proud of this extravaganza!! So my apologies to anyone reading this that also hates scrolling through food pictures!

Accountability

Short post. I have received the 411 on my motivational partner and I have an e-mail to send to her. I can't wait to meet her. Or maybe I have and read her blog all the time - it's so exciting - I don't know!!

So, today is the day I start posting journal pictures. Or rather tomorrow is. I have decided I will post the day before the day after. I had a carb heavy day today. And sadly, not a veggie in sight. I had a scone for breakfast, a sub from subway for lunch, snacked on a bag of those gluten free puffs and for dinner, a piece of pizza. I feel clogged up just typing that. I'd better get some water in me post haste. I think I'm PMS'ing. In any case, I think the picture taking will help with accountability.

No exercise today. Blech. Run on the agenda for tomorrow. I need it - mentally as well as physically.

Oh, that 2nd company I might get work for called today. Dude that is organizing the work was of with H1N1. He is better and back to work and I have a coffee meeting with him tomorrow morning. One step closer. I just finished with my other job today.

Have a healthy day bloggers.

Pole Dancing Class #3

or as I like to call it - the night of the big pole dancing injury 2009.

That's right - it took 3 classes for me to injure myself. I was on the pole, working my magic like only I can when I stepped out of a spin catching the soft underside of my big toe on the base of the pole. Seriously - easily one of the most painful things EVER!! It hurt like a mother..... The injured area swelled up immediately and turned black and blue. Sigh. Like the trouper I am though, I kept on with the class and did not let hamper my performance. Then when I was doing the slide move down the pole to my knees I slid too fast and BAM my left knee is now black. Double Sigh. Still, on with the show though!! HAHA

Friend & I ended up in different groups. She crinked her neck on her first spin and isn't sure if she will continue with the class. I decided to let her off the hook - if she doesn't want to continue - I think I'm comfortable enough to do the last 3 classes on my own, if I need to.

I think after all, in the end, I'm enjoying the class. At first I really wasn't sure, but..... now..... funds will dictate whether or not I take the class again. I think....

haha!!

Overwhelmed!

I have had a million ideas for posts, but just haven't had the time to post. Well, that's not true. I've been really tired after working all day (I know, I'm a wimp!) and so I've been going to bed quite early.

I have signed up for the Santa Shuffle in December - Calgary edition and for the Resolution Run New Years Eve - Ottawa edition. Both 5k. Yay!

Many bloggers have re-committed to WW. It is intriguing and quite exciting. I have decided to jump on the band wagon. I don't like to be left out! I'm going to commit to not missing my meetings, regardless of wether or not I'm working AND I'm going to start posting a picture of my journal. Just for accountability.

I am horribly off program this week. Pisses me off because I know better. I had a high point lunch and then had no points left for dinner. Oh, well. Sadly, I've had a story like that for the whole week.

What else. I have been doing some yoga before bed every night. Stretching my toes. My in-flexible feet are getting in the way with both belly dance and pole dance.

Ugh. I'm too tire to think..... off to bed

Have a healthy day bloggers.

Dread

That is what I'm full of as I consider filling in my food journal for last night and today.

Sigh.

oh, I signed up for a motivational buddy over at Mizfit. cool beans. me thinks this is timely.

Have a healthy day bloggers.