Monday

I had the absolute worst sleep last night. Periodically I wake up in the middle of the night so hot I feel like I'm on fire. In my head I feel way too young for this to be happening, but I guess I'm not.

Tonight I met with my personal trainer. It was a fun session, although we were on the weight machines for part of it - which I don't really like. My cardio component tonight was lunges (blech) and the rowing machine - which I actually quite like.

My trainer also did up a running schedule for me to help me get ready for the Melissa's 10k race later in September. Right now I'm running around 4k. I have some work ahead of me. I'm determined to get my stretching in every day so that my knees will feel better. I have described the pain I'm having and my PT is pretty sure my muscles are the problem. Stretch and strengthen.

Daughter is out tonight having a last hoorah with her friends. I am holding it together... somewhat. My trainer asked when daughter is leaving today during one of my exercises and I started to cry. So, maybe not SO together....

Tomorrow night we have a family dinner (husband's side) at Swiss Chalet. I am dreading it. I would be anyhow - but tomorrow is daughter's last night in town and my stress level will be higher than normal and I'm sure husband's family will drive me crazier than normal. Can't wait.

Not much else on the go. Just counting down till my life changes. Sigh.

Back in the groove?

Phew! Holidays are over. We had a great time. We were in Montreal for 2 weeks with a side trip to Lake Placid New York. What a pretty area. As I live in a former Winter Olympic city - I wasn't sure what to expect - but it was nice. We'd go back. I would have liked an extra day there.

Since we've been back I've been trying to find some sort of routine. I'm seeing my personal trainer 2 times a week. Besides that I've been jogging and going on long walks. After the long weekend my week will be like so:

Monday - Personal Trainer

Tuesday - Pilates followed by 20 minutes hard cardio

Wednesday - Personal Trainer

Thursday - Pilates then Belly Dance

Friday - morning curling followed by 20 minutes hard cardio

Saturday or Sunday - weights with some cardio

Saturday or Sunday - day off

My personal trainer is including cardio in all our sessions - either by making me hop on a machine or doing so many leg moves that my heart friggen jumps out my chest. I have 95 days until Palm Springs and I want to go there in top shape. My trainer & I are calling this Operation Palm Springs. I think if I can get in shape I might even golf well. HAHA.

My food has been good - I had an on program week. Husband commented last night that he feels good now that we are eating properly again. I have to admit - I am too. It is less stressful to just cook a nice meal.

Daughter leaves for school Wednesday. The tears started yesterday. It just keeps hitting me in waves. I can think about it and be fine and then the next minute I'm tearing up. We haven't packed yet. I have a lovely dinner planned for Sunday - I'm going to make her favourite which is lamb. I'm going to do greek potatoes, maple dijon green salad and broccoli salad. All her fav's. We still have to get her a new pillow, a can opener, and stuff like toilette paper, wash soap, etc. We are going to drive her down, have lunch and then come back. I will be glad when I'm all adjusted and over this. I'm really excited for her - but....

Not much else on the go. Just waiting for my whole world to turn upside down.

Yoga Challenge

I've decided that the poses I will be doing for the challenge are the Kneeling Achilles Stretch, Front Ankle Stretch, Toe Stretch and Pigeon. I'm keeping it small as I want something that I will actually do every day. All of these stretches/poses will really help with the areas that I'm finding tight from running. After doing them last night I noticed that for the first time in around 2 years that when I got out of bed this morning I was able to step down and it didn't hurt. So yay!!

I saw Salt on the weekend. I just love Angelina. Can you imagine if Evelyn Salt hooked up with Jason Bourne? What a friggen ride that would be!!!!

I ran Sunday. Took me 30 minutes to do 4k. Sigh. Oh, well - guess a slow 4k is still better than NO 4k.

Not much else on the go. Just putting in time till vacay on Friday! YA BABY!!!!

Have a healthy day bloggers!

Survived

Spent the day with daughter yesterday. We shopped and then had lunch.

I got a bathing suit!!! And I feel really good in it!!!! It is a one piece and it is one of those ones that is supposed to make you look 10 lbs lighter. IT DOES!!! I seriously feel so much better about my upcoming vacation now. The only down side was the cost. $188. Seriously - how is it possible that they can charge that much for a freaking suit? And you may be shaking your head because I did. But I can't even begin to describe how good I feel in it.

So we went to lunch at Milestone's. I had looked up the menu online but couldn't find the nutritional information. I made what I thought was the best possible choice. HA! Of course, I get home, and then am ABLE to see the teeny weeny button to click for calorie count and what do I find? I chose the HIGHEST calorie salad!!!! Thankfully I had asked for no cheese - which helped. ARGH!!!

Last night I went for a run and walk for an hour. It was so nice out.

This morning daughter left for a week in Ottawa. Her flight was at 6:30 so I've been up since 4:30. I hate that nauseous feeling you get when you get up too early. Blech. I meet with personal trainer at 9:00. I'm still sore from Wednesday's session with her. Should be fun.... NOT

Yoga challenge starts tomorrow. Woohoo!!

Have a healthy day!!

Swim Suit Shopping

I have to look for a new swim suite today. I'm so down. I'm in the worst shape ever and for the first time in 5 years I'm thinking I need to buy a tankini 'cause I just can't bear the idea of anyone seeing my stomach.

Yesterday husband booked a golf trip to Palm Springs in early winter - us and another couple are going. I am really, really excited. Husband has been several times but I've never been. He just loves it there. I suspect I will also. I'm so happy to have a "get away" trip to look forward to.

Mmm, did I mention I got my hair done? I was going to go blonde but then changed my mind and did copper & caramel streaks. Looks cute. Fresh and different but not too different.

So, one of the gals in blogland is doing a 7 day yoga challenge. I've decided to do it. My feet could really use the stretching and I need to find my focus. Maybe this will help.

So, on the job front. Argh. I'm getting down about that too. The company I'm trying to get on with has hired yet another person who is not me. I'm starting to feel like a stalker and yet I'm hesitant to not keep following up - as I don't want to then feel like I didn't give it my all. What to do, what to do....

Oy....

Getting off my ass

FINALLY!!!! I really got out of my running routine and I have had the hardest time talking myself into getting out there. Why is the hardest part of getting back into a routine the self talk that it takes you to get off your ass? What really pisses me off is that I really, really love how I feel after the run. I feel like I'm on top of the world right now. Who doesn't want that feeling all the time???

Not much else on the go. Daughter & I are powering through Big Brother - we have a lot of episodes taped. Oh, anyone watching The Closer, True Blood, Entourage or that new show Rizzolie & Isles with Angie Harmon??? I'm dying to chat about them - but I don't know anyone watching!

Have a healthy day!

Facing The Music

All of my friends started attending WW meetings weeks ago. Lots of weeks ago. Because I was busy losing my mind with that stupid contract job - I couldn't go with them. They chose a Friday morning meeting instead of an evening or weekend. So, off they go - having great success. And in their excitement - after each meeting when they would find out how much they lost that week - they would BBM me. With each text message I would get sadder and sadder. Feeling left out. Feeling like I would never be able to get out of this cycle of self destructive behaviour I seemed to be stuck in. Feeling so jealous it was all I could do not to delete them from my contact list. Seriously.

So the other night when I stepped on the scale to see how much damage I had done to myself - I saw a # I hadn't even seen while I was pregnant. Even though I knew things were bad - I was SHOCKED!!

Fast forward to the meeting I went to yesterday. Step on the scale - and was pleasantly surprised to see I was up 1.5! My home scale is WAY off and needs to go in the garbage!! I picked myself up a 3 month journal and my goal is to write in it everyday.

I really, really enjoyed the meeting yesterday. The leader was so good and I found myself paying attention the entire time. I have to find out if she does any downtown meetings. I don't know how often I can take Fridays off so that I can make the meetings. Although I am going to try - will be talking to boss on Monday!! It was fun to have friends there. One of the gals is already down 13lbs. She is just so excited - it is nice to see.

We planned a family bbq for tomorrow cause daughter is going off to school and this is her last weekend at home before holidays and then she's off to University. One of the in-laws, when asked if they wanted to come, said "probably" and I called Thursday to see if they were coming, and they still haven't called back. Is it just me or is that really rude? I have decided to make all of my sides WW recipes. I found a WW version of the bonanza beans I always make, a WW version of my famous broccoli salad, and I will be scouring my books for a WW macaroni salad. We will serve up italian sausages also (4.5 for half - not bad). I want to be able to count properly - and with my WW serving spoons - portion control is never a problem!

We went to the chuck wagon races last night at the Stampede. If you're a rodeo hater - save your comments - you won't change my mind - I love going. I was really impressed with myself as we were in a private infield box with free food and booze. I had 1/2 glass of white wine (2pts worth) and it took me the whole duration of the chucks to finish it - tiny sips!! I also kept my portions well in check (which frankly is easier when you're not drinking a lot) and in the end I only used 11 flex!! It is weird to say - but I had some of the best chicken curry I've every had in my life last night. At the Stampede - how strange is that?

We ended up getting special passes to go back to the barns so we could visit with the animals. It was really cool. What a different lifestyle the rodeo competitors have. We never got home till after midnight. It ended up being a great date night - and all it cost us was the belt buckle husband bought! Now next Stampede he will look like a real cowboy! HAHA

Today I will take pup for a walk, menu plan, grocery shop, drink my water and journal, journal, journal.

Have a healthy day bloggers!

Drowning.....

That is how I feel.

On the work front - I ended up quitting one of my jobs. The one that was really busy. I wasn't sleeping cause I was so worried about how I would get everything done. Since I quit I have slept through the night every night! Guess it was the right decision.

All of the stress has taken it's toll on me though. As if work wasn't enough - I have had the drama of waiting to see if daughter was going to go to University. I am happy to report that she is in, accepted, registered and just last Friday got confirmation that she has a dorm room! I was so distracted I had trouble functioning. The idea of having to find her an apartment last minute that was within walking distance of the Uni was mind boggling!!

Of course, during these times, when it would make sense to throw myself into exercise and clean living to help alleviate the stress.... that isn't what I do. I, in fact, do the complete opposite. Because I am the biggest bonehead ever.

I have a glimmer of hope that, on the work front, I may be offered a contract for a company that I really want to work for. So, in an effort to get some good vibes in my life, I've decided that I need to stop using life as an excuse to not take care of myself. A former high school acquaintance that friended me on facebook has breast cancer. It looks like she will make a recovery, if all goes well this next year with her treatments. This woman is fighting for her life, and I have my health and I'm letting it go. How crazy is that? Also - I don't fit into any of my clothes and it is driving me CRAZY!!

So, after I hit publish - I'm going to a meeting, buying a 3 month journal - and not giving up on myself anymore. I'm going to write on every day of that journal and I am going to be active every day. I leave for vacation in 2 weeks and have already told my girlfriend (whose family we vacation with in Montreal) that I will be following plan and I even found a meeting in her area in English!! She thinks that I should be able to stay on plan and I do too. She has a track near her house - last vacation I ran 8 out of 15 days. In the humidity! I should be able to do that again. Just have to not eat my body weight in bread pizza or drink my body weight in wine. HAHA

Hope all is well with everyone. I've missed the blogging community.

stress eating

I spent the day at the hospital with my mom's husband - looks like he has an enlarged liver. No surgery or anything - so that's good. But it was a long, exhausting day. After we were done at the hospital we stopped for lunch at a chinese buffet. Oy. I stopped before I was out of points but I was just so close to diving head first into the buffet - and it was all just nerves. Will that ever go away?

We had a substitute French teacher last night and he was in really good shape. It was hard to concentrate! Teehee!!

I'm sore!

Last night was belly dance. We had our regular class and started learning our choreography. It was fun. There are quite a few new students in the class this session and it has been a lot of fun watching them learn to love belly dance as much as I do. Anyhow, after class another girl and I stayed for an extra hour to work with the teacher. We are doing more advanced isolations and an intermediate choreography. We worked hard and my lower back is feeling it today. Not in an injured way - but in a "gee I really worked that area" way.

My life has been completely upside down lately. I think I mentioned that I'm down to just two jobs. One is supposed to be 5 - 6 days a month and then the other job just 2 or 3 days a week (when I'm not at job #1). Well, so far that hasn't really worked that way and I've been working every day! This is good, because the extra $$ has been awesome. It has been bad because my home life hasn't caught up to the fact that I'm not home all day anymore. My largest struggle has been suppers. Mostly because we are so busy now in the evenings. It is a rush to get home and then a rush to leave again! I think this weekend I will do a week of Cooking for the Rushed. See how that goes. Can't go any worse than this week. Of that I'm sure!

I'm so glad today is Friday. This week I worked Mon, Tue at one company, Wed at the other, Thurs back to the first and today at the other again. Just typing that makes me tired! I would totally love a bottle of wine tonight, but alas, I do not have THAT many flex points left.

I went to a WW meeting Monday downtown lunch time. The leader was easily the worst leader ever. Seemed like a nice enough lady, but oy - she should not have her own meeting. I've been quite hungry this week counting my points again. It is shocking how much my portions had increased.

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

still here

I have been all over the place lately. Work has been busy, it seems like we have a million things going on every night. I've started French class... still seeing personal trainer.... going back to WW meetings starting tomorrow..... oh, and I had the experience of a lifetime, as noted below in the two pictures. Husband has been cut out as he would have a stroke if I posted his picture. I will do a proper post this afternoon, but wanted to at least get the pictures up!

2nd session with Personal Trainer

I just got back from my 2nd session with my personal trainer. Today we did more balancing on the bosu - I sucked at it even worse this week than last week. Then I had to do lunges the length of the gym holding a heavy ball out in front of me. On the way back I had to lunge to the side on a diagonal, still holding the ball out and in front. Then to my triceps. Ouch. Next up was... lat pull downs. My gym has the machine that has two handles to pull down instead of a bar. I like that exercise. We then moved to the glute machine. Trainer told me at this point that walking and running does not work the glutes, and that is why long distance runners have to bums. You need to do stairs, or hills to get some shape. I did not know that. Once that was done we went to the mats where I worked my back and my stomach. Oy! The stomach exercises were very effective.

I feel exhilarated and tired at the same time. I guess that's good? I'm trying to talk myself into taking the pup for a walk.... but the urge to lay my head down is strong.

So, is anyone watching Biggest Loser out there? I'm getting so mad with the show. All this dis-ordered eating that is required for the challenges makes me SICK. And that Lance's wife. I fucking hate her. Seriously - she completely sabotaged her husband and I think made him feel guilty. What a ditch pig she is. She better not be the one that gets back on the show next week - or I may have to boycott it. I think this will be the last time we watch the show. Honestly, the contestants are just too heavy to be relatable. Having said ALL of that - isn't Sam looking great? I love Tongans!! If the contestants on the show (from last season and this) are any example of what they are as a people - I am impressed!! Plus, I find his tat's really sexy!!

Husband is curling in a bonspiel this weekend, so we are going out to the banquet tonight where there will be dancing! I love dancing!! If I can move, that is, after my session with PT!!

Well, peeps, that's about it for now. I know there was something I wanted to talk about.... but now that I'm sitting here typing..... I got nothing!!

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

I can move again!

thank goodness!

finished my job at the oil company today for another month. this month was very hard to say no to the junk.

my muscles seem to be done being sore after saturday's workout. thank goodness! I did some exercises today from saturday's workout. that was fun.... NOT!!

I'm really tired tonight. Just turned on curling a bit before bed time. I feel like I haven't had a good night's sleep in forever. I need to tweak my eating habits I think. I'm all over the place and it is wreaking havoc on my digestive system.

not much to report today, but I want to start posting more regularly.

have a healthy day bloggers!!

PS: 31 days till my picture with Spock!!

Monday in a big way

Today really, really felt like a Monday!

I found it to be a really long day today. I actually left work at 4:00 today instead of 4:30 because I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I just thought I can NOT sit here 30 more minutes! That is the nice part of being a contractor I suppose. There has to be something, right?

I meant to tell you all that my walking group has signed up to volunteer at the HSBC Marathon/ Half marathon. We are hoping to be able to get the food tent. There are 7 of us, and "we"'d all like to be together. Personally I wanted to be on the course. I didn't really care about being with the other girls. I just know that I appreciate people cheering me on so much when I'm out there doing a race. Oh, well. I suppose all that matters is that we are volunteering. I guess all positions are important.

I can still hardly move today since my workout Saturday. I have to do it all again tomorrow. I wanted to run tonight - but there is no freakin way I could do it!!

So peeps. DWTS starts tonight. What an..... interesting cast. Bruno the judge cracks me up. I don't know if I will be tuning in all the time, but.... there is potential for entertainment, that's for sure!

Have a healthy day bloggers!!

PS: Ochocinco..... yummiest contestant ever on the show I think..... I wonder if he will dance naked? I might tune in weekly after all just in case.......

Thank God I have ears!

They are the only part of my body that doesn't hurt after my first meeting with my new personal trainer.

I met with her yesterday and I love her!! We never picked up even one weight and I can hardly move today!

I had to work for a few hours this morning and when I was done I walked my dog home from our club. It is just over 8 k. I thought moving around a bit would work the kinks out. Holy noodle. I could not have been more wrong. Every step hurt. It was so windy to boot that it took me twenty minutes longer than it normally does. Oy!

My little Indiana had a swim lesson this week while at doggy day care. Look at what a little star he is. I was a bit worried about how he would do, but he did great.

Not much else has been going on. I think daughter is thinking of taking a year off of school when she is done high school. I actually think that might be her best course of action.

I'm going to do the exercises that I did with Personal Trainer twice this week. If my limbs don't fall off. Or if I don't cut them off to rid myself of the pain.

Have a healthy day bloggers.

Who Am I?

I found myself wondering this lately.

As we waited anxiously for daughter's marks, I realized that my whole sense of who "I was" was a complete unknown to me. I am a mom. Always wanted to be one. Quit work to spend time with daughter when she was 14 as I figured that is the age they start making decisions that can change their whole life. Now, here we are, actually waiting to see if daughter passed all her classes. She didn't. I can't remember even the idea of failing ever even passed through my head when I was her age. And yet here is my daughter failing her chem class. Her other marks so low that she is virtually assured to have her conditional acceptance into University revoked. My sense of being a failure is all consuming. Of course, intellectually I know this isn't my failure at all. I got her to school, spent literally thousands of $$ on tutors, nagged, argued, explained that school is essential for a decent chance at a good life. But I wonder - at what point did I fail her when she failed to acquire the common sense that tells you that a high school diploma is the below the bare minimum of what you need to get places in life?

ARGH!!!! Of course, when you're co-parenting this kind of stress means stress on the marriage. Almost every conversation, every thought, every bad dream is about daughter. And where we went wrong. And how we will move forward. And with both of us coming from such different families, we hardly ever agree.

So, where are we now? I have finally accepted that it is ok for daughter to upgrade, take the time to mature a bit so that when she does go to Uni she will be prepared to study hard. Husband has finally stopped being angry. Daughter continues to live oblivious to the fact that we spend so much time fretting - she is just going about her business.... hanging with friends, working occasionally, and facebooking.

In the mean time I have decided that I need to get on with my life. Find some focus that isn't daughter. It isn't healthy for either of us. To that end, I am now working more. The company I had hoped to get back on with full time has been.... slow in retaining my services and so my contract work with them will finish the first week of April. All is not lost though. In the mean time, I have one week a month at the oil company, which I really like, and an old boss tracked me down to offer me contract work for the rest of the month. In March it will workout that I will have worked every day, just for 3 companies! This newest job, which I only started this week, seems like it will be really nice. I really like the fellow that I'm working for and my direct manager seems quite nice. Anyhow, there is a possibility that it will only be 3 days a week, which would be quite nice. Kinda the best of both worlds.

Since I'm working so much, I needed new work clothes. I went on a total spree. I bought new pants, a ton of tops and even new skirts. Almost all of it from Banana Repulic. And it all looks quite nice, if I do say so myself! I also bought new pumps. I look and feel like a million bucks! Normally I would put off buying new clothes, thinking I will do it when I've lost weight. But I'm living in the moment.

Of course, with all this stress I slipped into my old coping mechanisms. Every time I felt panic set in.... I ate that feeling away. Sheesh. The good news is that I've kept up with my running. Yay me.

I've also decided that, now that we have extra $$ coming in, I'm getting a personal trainer again. I start a week today. I'm quite excited about the girl I managed to get - I think she will suit me perfectly.

It was also my birthday this week. I turned 44. It was a nice birthday. We went for a lovely birthday dinner to Caesar's and it was SO good. I also got the absolute best birthday gift ever. I cried when I opened my card. Two two-day passes to the Sci-Fi convention coming to Calgary to the Round Up center in April where I will be getting my photo taken with Leonard Nimoy!!!! This is a childhood dream come true. I can hardly stand waiting.

Well, this is a huge post. If anyone is still reading - have a healthy day!!

Regularly scheduled programming will return in...

a week or two. I am taking a small break - just waiting for my daughter's marks and quite frankly cannot concentrate or think about anything else. Once I have her marks and know what she is doing and where she is going - I will be back. And by then I may also have work news. Old boss called today - sounds promising!!!

Go Canada!!!!

My runometer just blew up!

That is what my little Nike+ Avatar is saying tonight. We did hills tonight at the 10k clinic. 5 of them. 7.5k worth of hills. I've been home for almost an hour and my lungs are still sore!!

I also took the pup for a nice long walk this afternoon. It was so sunny out. I really needed the sunshine. Sunshine just makes everything right, doesn't it?

I have to work tomorrow and daughter is going to meet me downtown to look at grad dresses. That should prove interesting. Or frustrating. Or both.

Not much else going on. I made a really, really tasty shepard's pie for supper tonight. I love shepard's pie.

Have a healthy day bloggers!

Biggest Loser - Didn't watch? Then don't read!!

I totally think that red chick threw it to go home!!!! There is no way she looked anywhere near as upset as she should have. Big stinky liar!!!!!!!!!! I actually threw my arms up in the air when I saw her results and yelled "YA!!". I think she just didn't like working so hard.

Thoughts?

working through the stress

So, after blabbing about my stress and how I need to find another way to deal with it..... Sunday I had an argument of sorts with husband about daughter and immediately picked up the phone to call cousin to tell her I would be skipping our scheduled run with the running room 10k clinic. I had the phone in my reach, and then thought to myself that if I was ever going to make a change it had to be now. So I went for the 8k run. Small steps, right? At one point I was talking to cousin about the tiff and got myself so worked up I had to stop running because I got so short of breath!

Oh, and I did run Saturday with Indiana. It was slow and a smidgen frustrating because Indiana kept stopping. And just sitting. What a little monkey! Anyhow, we finished the run and I'm sure we BOTH felt so good when it was done.

Last night we went up the the club for Superbowl fun and frolic. All food written down and counted.

This morning I joined daughter for her session with the personal trainer. Oy! The up side was that she commented on my form and said that is was perfect! The down side was that it friggen hurt!!! I have some work to do with weights!

Not much else on the agenda for today. Taking the pup for a nice long walk this afternoon. Not going to run because I've run two days in a row and my knees are quite sore.

Have a healthy day bloggers!!