Freaking out...what else is new (Go Team Lean!)

I needed to take a break from blogging for a bit. It was taking me hours to read all the challenge blogs and it seems counter productive to spend hours sitting reading about food.

I have been stressing about the half marathon I have to run on Sunday. I just got an e-mail from the running room with a map of the new route. Crap. I hate last minute changes like that. We went out a week ago to do the route so that I would know what to expect, and now it is all different. Well, not completely different, but different enough to FREAK ME OUT!!

This morning I contemplated just not doing it. Then I thought - that's stupid - just do it. The thing is, the only reason I want to run it is because I'm not a good walker and 22k is just too much walking for me. Then this girl at my club started yapping at me about how long it would take. I think I mentioned this before. In any case, I went from just wanting to run it so I would finish faster than walking to worrying about my end time. I hadn't even been worried about time. URGH!! Why do I care about what people think? I kept telling that girl I just wanted to finish and she kept saying "ya, but in how long?? I did it in 2 hours". I just said "ya, well, I would think you would, but I'm more of a jogger than a runner"....but she still kept asking for a time. Then I finally just blurt out 2.5 hours (totally unrealistic) and now I feel all this pressure!!!

I did weights last night. If you had asked me what I was working on, I would have said upper body. But today I can hardly sit or stand my ass is so sore. So I guess it was more of a full body workout!

I was chatting with a friend on facebook and she has decided to train for the next 16 weeks to do a body building competition up in Fort St. John. Isn't that amazing? The training that is required for that sort of thing is amazing. She will be doing weights 6 times a week and empty stomach cardio 5 times. I asked her to start a training blog - I think it would be very interesting reading.

My BIL called husband today to see if we were going to get FIL a present for his 70th b-day. Husband explained that right now we have no $$ and we have a couple of gargantuan bills coming due in the next few months (the balance of his business loan being one of them). I guess FIL wants a 40" plasma tv (don't we all?). I normally would never tell my husband not to spend $$ if he wanted to except that his parents came into town over Christmas and spent no time with my daughter. They cancelled out of Christmas breakfast at the last minute (they had come every year for breakfast for the past 10 years) and even though they were in town for a week, they only saw my daughter when they came over for dinner Christmas day. That is their choice, certainly, but if they can't give us (my daughter) their time, I am sure as shit not spending $ we don't happen to have to buy them a fucking tv. I was so angry when I heard this. Truth is, I was so hurt at Christmas, even if we had the $ I would have said no. I don't think you should give a gift if your heart isn't in it. You just end up resenting it. At least I do. In the end, husband had decided no before speaking to me about it and had already told BIL this. The icing on the cake was when husband told BIL we didn't have the $$ to buy half a tv, BIL actually asked if we had vacation plans this year - like if we did, then we should pony up for the tv!! Am I out to lunch to think that one thing doesn't have anything to do with the other?? It just so happens that we don't have plans, because we don't want to take a vacay we don't have the cash for, but....

On top of all that, the actual reason husband even called me was to tell me we need a $700 brake job for our car today. All of the above was just an aside to that.

I have two days of contract work next week. So that is good. I have to go in and train the girl again that I trained last November. So far I've been paid to show everyone the same stuff around 3 times. I guess as long as they want to pay for it, I shouldn't worry about it. I have been hoping for some contract work....two days isn't much, but better than nothing for sure.

OK. I suppose I have rambled now like an idiot. Sorry. This stuff has just been swirling around and around in my head. It helps to get it out in a forum like this. Better this than picking up the phone and yelling at one of my relatives. Well...maybe not better for you guys who had to read it...but.... ;-)

Have a healthy day bloggers!!